I’ve got hair dye the colour of the red red kroovy.

Twelve passenger mercedes benz van. Whatwhydotheseexist? XD

Also known as my hotel who lost power because a drunk driver ran into the transformer at two in the morning.

Dude, no attractive people are ever attracted to me. Such sadface.

You shut your mustache!

Sorry I’m all upset. I’m just really mad at myself for not running.

Wow there’s cats everywhere! Wave your hands up in the air!

On the back of a bottle of anti-wrinkle cream:
Children six months and younger talk to a doctor before use.

I live at the end of a five and a half minute hallway…

It’s a pichu-stache! XD

Fuck this, I’m chubby again. And no, it’s not cute. I’d rather not embarrass myself in a swimsuit, dammit.